Episode 96: How to Navigate Love and Money with Ericka Young

Acquania Escarne 0:00

Hey everybody welcome back to The Purpose of Money Podcast. Today we're going to talk about how to discuss money in a relationship with Ericka Young.

You are listening to The Purpose of Money podcast, a podcast where we talk about ways to build wealth and create more freedom in your life today. I am your host Acquania Escarne.

Did I ever tell you about that time I was 16 and my dad gave me a copy of Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. I read that book and I was completely inspired to start investing and I started out with putting my first paycheck from a retail job into a Roth Individual Retirement Account and now the rest is history. I've been investing ever since. Now I invest in real estate.

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Ericka Young is a speaker, financial coach, and best selling author of Naked and Unashamed: 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. During the 18 years her firm Tailor Made Budgets has been in business, Ericka has helped over 500 families crushed debt so that they can design a vibrant and intentional life. Working up close and personal with her clients has given her a unique perspective on what it takes to win with money. Ericka also believes that personal finance goes beyond the numbers and as a result, Ericka has developed creative ways to break down the mental and experience based barriers to financial success. Today, she brings the life giving message to corporations, banking institutions, and college campuses everywhere so that everyone can have a path to true financial freedom.

Hey, Ericka, welcome to the show. How you doing today?

Ericka Young 2:26

I'm doing great. Thanks so much for having me.

Acquania Escarne 2:29

I am excited to have this conversation. Most people think because I'm a financial coach, I'm not gonna have another financial coach on my show. I said, "nope, I am. And I can't wait to talk about money with her."

Ericka Young 2:42

Yes, yes, we're all in this together, there's plenty of people out there that we need to help and we all have different approaches. So I think that that is wise to kind of mix it up a little bit.

Acquania Escarne 2:52

Exactly. And you have a different perspective, because you focus on couples. But before we get into all of that, I'm gonna take it back a little bit, okay, because I want to know, what was money like for you when you were growing up?

Ericka Young 3:06

If it was summed up in a word, it would be hard. It would be a roller coaster, if it were a verb or if you could imagine that there's a feast and famine lifestyle quite a bit. Some of the money messages that I heard was wait till payday, or we don't have that right now, or I'm broke and so these messages were things that formed in me, a hesitance if you will to really step out and do something different with money when I did have some and also, it helped me to understand that if I did want to experience some financial freedom, then I would need to educate myself because I didn't come from a family that knew a lot about financial management and growth in terms of investments and things like that. Sometimes it was tough. I came from a single parent household and it just wasn't super easy to make ends meet and so I have much respect for all the single moms out there. Totally thankful for my mother in her experience. And know that she worked super hard to get where we were and where she was at that time. But money was not an easy thing was not an easy thing. But I think it also is a part of my journey and I have much respect for that. I've learned a ton by just being a learner of all different parts of my life and those that that I love as well. So, even though the experiences weren't super awesome, that doesn't mean that I can't learn from them.

Acquania Escarne 4:50

I love that and same my mom was a full time entrepreneur raising me and my mom my dad was in the military and remarried, so they were divorced from when I was young. So I had not a roller coaster but different different days, right moms and moms, the life of an entrepreneur money was different every month, depending on how well the business went. So I can definitely relate to some of the things that you talked about. Then also knowing from that experience, what not to do, right? Like, I think that's the beauty in learning from those who have raised us and our family and those around us is learning what to do, what not to do. And then what you need to do. So in your case, you said you needed to get educated. So what was your aha moment? Like? What exactly happened to you? Where you were like, Okay, enough is enough, let's get this money, right?

Ericka Young 5:44

Well, I had a baby and those babies change everything, my husband and I were married just over a year, and I had a baby and our car broke down and we did not have enough money to get it fixed. So this was an engineer engine that neat was needed for the vehicle and this was over 20 years ago, and it was $1,000. We just didn't have it. So knowing that we had to take care of this tiny, itty bitty human and we also had one vehicle has been have, hubby had to go to work and sometimes I would feel stranded at home, or I would have to take him to work like just what it created in our household and we had to make some decisions about this, in order for me to get back to work, because I was not able to be a stay at home mom, we had too much debt and so I think the pivotal moment for us was really knowing that we didn't have enough money to take care of our vehicle, which was our basic need for both of us to be able to work and that that was scary. It was really scary and that was the moment where we said we got to draw a line in the sand. We've got to figure this thing out so that we're not feeling like this the next time and emergency arises.

Acquania Escarne 7:02

Facts. So what is it that you were at that time you just had a baby? So you weren't working at the moment? But what type of background or career were you into at that time?

Ericka Young 7:14

Yeah, I'm actually an engineer by trade. So I went to school, got an engineering degree and I worked in engineering for seven years, I always thought that I would be that woman with a briefcase going into corporate America and all that and the truth of the matter is that my kids kind of changed a lot of that in me, and then getting out of debt helped me to see that I was missing that people interaction, like I would love to help other people get out of debt or have a budget. So I was still in there and I still love the numbers. But I just did not get the same satisfaction from that work that I do from helping someone uncover what's been holding them back from their own personal financial freedom. So that was what caused the career shift. It was a great income that I walked away from. But honestly, it's been 17 years since I walked away from that job as of October and that is like I never looked back. You know, there's no regrets. I definitely know that this was my calling. I know this is exactly where I needed to be the impact I needed to be making and so that was a part of my journey. This also is a big part of my journey. Because this this, this career has lasted more than twice as long as that.

Acquania Escarne 8:39

Yeah, that's that's proof in the pudding right there. But I'm so amazed. So how did you prepare for that transition? Did you leap? Or did you plan?

Ericka Young 8:51

I felt it was a little of both and I'm going to tell you why. We thought we had planned. But I think we didn't realize how much we needed to plan.

So what I mean by that is we were out of debt by the time that I took the leap. It took us five years to get out of 90 plus thousand dollars in debt and then I've took the leap after we had about three months of emergency funds saved and what I now tell entrepreneurs is have more than that saved because honestly, that's really not going to take you super far if something happens when you have one working person. We're trying to build a business and so we thought we had planned and we thought we had we had done something I don't know that it was enough. But I will tell you, I'm a fake person and I had to be obedient because there was a day that I was laying in bed and I just felt very, very strongly God say to me, "You're being disobedient. Like I'm staying too long. You're trying to wait for the perfect moment and it's never a perfect moment." and so I got up got up that morning. Well, that was a Saturday, I went to work on Monday aand that's when I turned in my resignation. So I really was waiting for what I thought was going to be this, you know, everything all the stars aligned and all of that. Really, it was just about taking that leap in that moment, even if everything wasn't perfect.

Acquania Escarne 10:24

I just have to say, you speaking to me, but you ain't speaking to me. We just gonna leave it right there for a minute. But I am currently in a nine to five running a successful business and asking myself and the Lord, you know, when do you want this to happen? I have a date in my head that I believe he supports. But I want to leave so sooner.

Ericka Young 10:54

I had a date and I called my husband during a time when I worked for Motorola. That division became Freescale at the time. And they were having layoffs voluntary and involuntary. I called them and I said, "Honey, they just announced layoffs and I want to leave so bad." We weren't out of debt. At that point. We still had payments, and we still didn't have enough for an emergency fund. Like it was not the best timing really. I was just I could just feel myself really feeling like oh my gosh, I just don't think I can do it. Frankly, it was really only 10 months later, when I actually decided to step away. I feel like that was the plan that like we executed on the plan, we needed us to be out of debt because frankly, our debt was over $1,200 a month. That last payment was the student loans. So frankly, that that represented probably 10 to $15,000 that, you know, we wouldn't have paid off in that time. So it was wise to wait because we would have probably struggled to keep up with everything. But um, gosh, I just felt it in my heart. I was like, I'm so ready to go.

Acquania Escarne 12:21

I love it wise to wait, no, I'm, I'm okay. I'm not like, I'm not leaping just yet. But I am definitely putting all my ducks in order and giving myself options. That's what I tell people like sometimes it's okay to have options. It's okay to have a job. Not everybody is meant to pursue entrepreneurship full time either. And so I think that's another thing. But it's nice to have a choice. You know what I mean? And to be like, This is my passion. I can afford to pursue it full time where so many people just don't find themselves in that position, or they don't put themselves in that position. Yep. So that's what I really like about your story. So that's really cool. So tell me a little bit more about your exact path, though. What is it that taught you that you were good at helping people with money? You know, tell me about that first? I don't know story, that made you feel like I can do this and I can help more people just like them?

Ericka Young 13:16

Yeah, well, honestly, what we went through in terms of our journey was super. You know, that was that was the biggest one is that I knew I could do it for myself. Like that was just proof in the pudding. I just read as many books as I could, I went to classes, I took all the classes at our, at our, you know, my employer, I just did all the things. And so I just was, I could tell I was very interested, first of all, and that I wasn't tiring of learning about this thing. How do you manage money? How do you get out of debt? What does this mean to invest all of that? Very interested in that. Then there was this moment where I went to a Women in Business boot camp with a friend of mine, and I saw an entrepreneur on a panel, who started a business from nothing. And I just was so mesmerized by her story. And I thought, Man, she started something from nothing. And that's kind of what I think I want to do. And then I share that with my pastor. He said, "Oh, I've got a couple people that I want you to work with and just see if you like it, right.'' And so I did that. And I was like, ''oh my gosh, this is fantastic.'' Like I would see the light bulbs go on for someone they're like, "Oh, I get it now. Oh, this makes so much sense. Oh, thank you so much, Erica" and it wasn't even that they had huge wins. They just had wins. That made a huge difference in that moment.

Right. And I think the biggest thing that I did that kind of solidified everything this was before I left the nine to five is I sent a letter to everybody that I knew this was back in the time where we actually sent snail mail and I sent it to I just committed to sending it to 100 people. I just share my heart and the fact that we had really got excited about personal finance in our journey. Just so much support came from that I did get my first six paying clients from that. But in addition to that, I just got a lot of people who were like, "oh, Erica, that's awesome, that's so great." and the interest around it, or they would send me to a networking group where they will connect me with a financial planner, like, there was a buzz that was created when I sent that out. And I thought, oh, maybe maybe I can do this. So this, it became more physical than just theoretical. That's when I really began to believe, "Oh, this is something I can do." So yeah, working, you know, for free for a couple of people just to see if I liked it and then just seeing the interest level, and people willing to send my information on or say, raise their hand and say, I want to become one of your first clients. That was when I knew I really wanted to go down this path and pursue it for real.

Acquania Escarne 16:21

Absolutely. I love that. I tell people that all the time, sometimes you got to do it for free. Learn what your niche is going to be and solidify your skills, but use those testimonials. That's priceless, right, getting that testimonial from those who you've helped impact. And so I think that's super helpful. I think that, that'll be very valuable to a lot of my listeners here today. So now I want to kind of transition a bit because you are also an author, you wrote Naked and Unashamed 10 Money Conversations Every Couple Must Have. So let's talk about what inspired you to write this book. Then I want some tips, girl, you know, we come here to listen. Okay, and we want to take action. So I want to know what some of these money conversations are, too.

Ericka Young 17:08

Yeah, so I wrote the book, because not everybody's my client, that's the honest truth. I wanted to be able to reach more than just those who would work with me one on one. In the time that I've been a coach, I've had over 500 clients. But a book can be in the hands of so many different people beyond that number. So I just really wanted to have a tool that people can use it in an easy way people can get to know who Erica is.

Then for those who wanted to decide whether or not you know, coaching was right for them, they had an easy way to do that. I also wanted to begin to get on stages and so that was something easy to sell at the back of the room, when you know, I was going to organizations who, you know, I was just starting out in places where they might not have had a huge budget and that kind of thing and I just wanted to practice my skills. But a book like I had the first time I went to an event and I sold like 25 books, I was like, "oh my gosh, this is amazing." So I just really wanted to be able to put something in the hands of people that was more impactful than a business card and it has been that it has really been that it's been really nice to, to know that I can leave somebody with something that is a piece of me. That that has just really been it's been great. So that's that's pretty much why I wrote the book. I think that it's made a difference to a lot of people. It's so interesting. My daughter is a young adult now and it's funny because I'm about to give her this book.

Acquania Escarne 18:50

Well, I'm sure she'll love it. If she hasn't already picked up some of the tips just by being around you. What do you think is some of the most common challenges with most couples when it comes to money? And how do you think they should solve it?

Ericka Young 19:06

Everybody wants to get on the same page and I think they're doing it wrong. People assume that getting on the same page means that you're supposed to agree on everything that you have to do it the same way or if someone doesn't do it this way, or even the way an expert tells you that you're made wrong. So I think getting on the same page is different. I see it as finding the commonality, right, so you're finding where you agree, you are finding the goals that you're wanting to go to together.

My husband and I have been together for 24 years and we do not agree on everything. Even finances like there's there are some things about finances that we just don't agree on. That's okay. We We've been able to be successful in our relationship and also to grow our net worth, even though we don't agree on everything and I think that the misconception tends to cause people to seek out the wrong things first.

The other thing that I will say is, sometimes folks aren't ready to start with the numbers. So I think it's, there's usually a nerd and a free spirit in a coupling here. I think that the nerd will tend to say, well, "we just got to do a budget, or we just need to look at the debt and pay this stuff off, or whatever."

The Free Spirit is like, "I am not engaged in this do not feel like talking about the numbers. I hate numbers. Why are you saying this to me?" And the challenge is that you have come and approached your spouse from the wrong angle. I think you have to find where you agree. Figure out what your their goals and dreams are, what did it what is it that they want? What is their motivation, even, you've got to speak to their motivation, or they're not going to hear anything you say. And so I think that that's one of the biggest things that people end up sort of approaching from what I might call a "backwards position." And they're not really seeing that it doesn't have to begin with numbers. And you don't have to have complete agreement in order to have financial success.

Acquania Escarne 21:27

I love that. That's actually a new perspective. I've never had anyone say that on the show and I definitely love it, how you just said some people trying to get on the same page, but they're doing it wrong. But it's true. Like my husband and I have been together married for 14 years together for 19 and we've had plenty of things we didn't agree on. But we've talked through it. I think the communication has made the relationship grow.

But also, sometimes I'm persuaded, I'm like, you know why you make some really good points and I'm the money nerd, but I didn't think about it that way. He's not a free spirit completely. He's still frugal in a lot of ways. But he, he and I both like to spend money on the things that we like, you know, good experiences, travel, the things that we really enjoy. So we'll sacrifice in other areas, like maybe the grocery lists and picking name brands all the time, sometimes we'll pick the not so namebrand product, it really just depends on what we're trying to do.

But we definitely have our similarities on what we like to spend money on. Then we've also set up some rules. Like, I don't know if this is one of your tips for for us, you know, my husband is in a career where he gets bonuses. So we talk about it, I never take for granted the assumption that he's gonna want to put his bonus into the family fund, because I'm like, You worked really hard for that. But remember, when you're not here, we're holding it down. It's hard, you know, so he actually says, "Okay, I want to get a gift for myself for my bonus, and then the rest of the family can have" and I've been like, "okay, cool. I think that's great." and we'll tie it off of it, you know, we'll save some, we'll invest some, but I like that, because some people might get upset and say, "No, you're supposed to spend it this way or that way." That could be an argument. But we never argue we're just like, this is how it makes the most sense for us. Right?

Ericka Young 23:27

Yeah and I agree. I mean, my husband has been in sales for many years and so same thing, you know, I, I, the thing is, is I want him if that caused buy in first of all, like, get sitting back and saying he earned it, he earned this and let him figure out what is the thing or whatever it is he wants first and then and giving space for that. The other part of it is just understanding that the big picture goals will get taken care of. Right. So if we're on the same page about the big picture goals, some of that money will go there anyway, right? It'll be natural, it just doesn't have to be forced by the other party who didn't earn the money. Right. I think there's a way that we communicate that can be very helpful and benefit everyone. I think that that is I think is wise to let folks know that you respect the work that they have done to earn the dollars and is, you know, making sure that that goes both ways.

Acquania Escarne 24:31

I love it. Yeah, absolutely. That's why I think it's important for couples to learn how to communicate about everything, you know, so they don't argue about anything. But you you have to come to an understanding and sometimes it may require that you walk away, think about it independently and then come back together.

What are some of your, I guess favorite tips when partners are striving for a particular goal, but they may not make the same amount financially. So you have one couple that makes significantly more than the other couple. What are some of the tips that you have for them when they're trying to discuss money or build a budget or save for that goal?

Ericka Young 25:17

I think it's important to understand. Does it matter to either party? And how much does it matter? Right. So what's important to them? So is it important that the expenses, for instance, are divvied up in a way that reflects one spouse is one partner is earning twice as much as the other is that important? Right? So let's talk that through, does that make a difference to you? Being willing to hear that maybe yes, it does. Right, like listening and hearing that.

Then, and I think it's also really important to understand if it does matter, then let them dream about what it looks like to create your own financial plan for your house. Because I really believe that every households, financial plan needs to be different, no household is the same. No makeup is the same. So every budget spending plan, whatever you want to call it, or investing strategy, or debt reduction strategy can be unique to that household. I think it's important that you hear out the person, each person on how they see this happening, right. So what's important to you what matters most? Then let's see, how can we incorporate that right. So the biggest thing that I will say, though, no matter who's making what is, each person needs to have a little bit of miscellaneous money, there needs to be some money that just doesn't have a conversation, right?

No one wants to talk about having gone to the 7/11 to spend $5, nobody wants to have a conversation and so I think that there needs to be at least coming to the table with, we're each going to have this amount, or you get this amount or you get this amount or whatever. I call it miscellaneous dollars, I do not call it an allowance, no one's allowing anybody to do anything, but you just have a little slush fund or stash money or whatever, that you don't have to talk about because one less conversation is a win. That's the honest truth. Because there's tons of things around money that you need to talk about. We do not need to talk about $10 Here and there.

Acquania Escarne 27:39

That a win is a win. And we do not need to allow other people to do anything. So let's talk about that. Then what are your top three conversations that every couple of must have? Then they're gonna have to read the book for the other seven.

Ericka Young 27:53

There you go, Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna go big picture. The book is in three sections. So you talked about your money past, then you talk about your money's present situation, your current circumstances, and then you talk about your money future, or your money's future potential. So I think it's important that people think about the fact that is not just about what's happened today. It's about everything you learned as a child around money, the money messaging, what you witnessed, what you experienced, the first thing you did with money, yourself when you were your own income earner. That brings perspective as to why people bring whatever baggage they have or their preconceived notions or lack of education on money.

You get to learn something very vital about a person when you understand their past money story.

Then the current circumstances, I think, one of the hardest things that my husband and I did when we were in premarital counseling was we got our credit reports, because the pastor said, it's your credit report and then all he did was hand mine to Chris and Chris's to me. I was like, Oh, my gosh, facing that present circumstance was super vulnerable and very uncomfortable, but necessary for us to understand where we stood right now. So that's a part of the money present. I mean, it literally took care of understanding how much debt we each had and I mean, frankly, there's no other secret that I could tell him around money. That was bigger than that and so that created a serious conversation between the two of us on how we were going to work through all of our debt and then the other conversation is about your future dreaming about what it is that you want. Where do you see yourself in 10 years or in 20 years? Or what do you want for your kids or do you want children and where do you want to live and how does that look?

Like dreaming about the future, even if that future is six months away, is vital to, you know, any type of coupling situation because you want to make certain you're going in the same direction. Right? And I think that that is so important if we can identify, what are the things that make each person light up and get excited, and then we know how to help encourage them, or we know how to support them, or we know what you know, makes their button you know, flicker like I think it's just so important for us to have that dreaming conversation about the future, because that just wakes up the motivation to even get some of this stuff done. Like maybe you talk about that first, and then you start saying, Okay, so maybe now I will commit to that budget, because I really want this in the future, right and so it just puts everything together really nicely.

Acquania Escarne 31:00

I agree with you. And we're all human motivated by different things. So I like what you said in the beginning about like finding out what motivates your spouse so that you can really use that to connect you in the money conversation versus starting at a point that doesn't interest them, like the numbers if they're not into the numbers as much as you are.

So I think that's really good. So guys, I hope you enjoyed this conversation on money and relationships. Because we did a lot, we went through some tips that you can utilize when talking about money with your partner, we talked about different ways to approach the bills if you are someone who makes different income from your partner, and we definitely just kind of dived into other ways to help you with your finances. So even if you are not boot up and sharing finances, I think these tips will be really helpful to you and how you handle your money and help you prepare for your boo. Because I think that's just as important as being in a relationship with a partner. But shout out to your pastor for doing the credit check swap like so funny given your future spouse your credit report. So you can look at it no shame, no judgment, but know what's there. That is the ultimate naked experience. If you asked me, right.

Ericka Young 32:24

It really was it wasn't it wasn't for the faint of heart. I'll be honest, a lot of my clients over the years have been very nervous about that that information in particular. So we faced it head on before we even said I do.

Acquania Escarne 32:38

I agree with you. I agree that that's important. My husband and I actually started to look for our financial advisor a year before we got married, which was right after he proposed. So I was like you're ready for marriage so am I let's get our finances together. So we could be on the same page. By the time we said I do. So I definitely love that. I have one question for you, though. Are you Team shared bank account or individual bank accounts?

Ericka Young 33:09

I am team shared bank accounts. Yes. Because it's all transparency. Right? It's full transparency. Now the funny thing is, it's easy for me to say that because I do have a business where that's a separate account, right. But, you know, those are numbers that I do also share with my husband, it's just that he's not in that account looking at stuff all the time like he could with our personal checking. But yeah, I am team sharing accounts and I will say I think what I have found in my work is that people are more averse to the shared account when they've been burned by a past relationship around money and so they have some past pain, some hurt, that is preventing them from opening up fully in that way and the other thing is I'd usually tell people, if there is mismanagement with money, that might be something to work towards, because it's not necessarily the right thing to do right away if someone is constantly overdrafting the account and some healthy habits need to be in play with finances. So we always are looking to work towards that. That might be a process that's actually something that I addressed in my book as well because I think you kind of need some steps to get there when you've had some not so good experience with trying to be you know, one with your money. So it's being a team couple could be a process. But it takes time.

Acquania Escarne 34:47

Takes time takes work, but if you're willing to do the work, it is worth it. All right. So the name of the podcast is called The Purpose of Money. So I asked all of my guests this question, what is your purpose for money.

Ericka Young 35:01

I have a couple purposes for money. Freedom is one, flexibility is another, and fun. I like to enjoy my money. So I think, you know, financial freedom, of course just you know, gives you the opportunity to do what you want and I'm so thankful that we're in a place where that can is this is the case. Then flexibility honestly, like, my business provides that for me. You know, I'm not doing a nonprofit this is this is a for profit business. I just love the fact that, you know, the exchange of expertise and content and that kind of thing can afford me the opportunity to have that flexibility. I think you should enjoy your money. I love to travel. I'm eagerly awaiting my next trip come February and April of next year. So yeah, it's you should be able to enjoy and and I think that that is your reward for all of the things that you do to earn it, so enjoy it.

Acquania Escarne 36:09

Absolutely. Now, you know, I'm gonna wait till we get off the amp, and I want to know where we go.

Ericka Young 36:16

We got some exciting things. Next year is your 25. So.

Acquania Escarne 36:21

Yes, so you're gonna have an anniversary party or just the two of you.

Ericka Young 36:27

It's just gonna be us. Oh, yeah.

Acquania Escarne 36:30

Praise the Lord. Yes. So, before you go, please tell my listeners how can they find you follow you stalk, you work with you all the things so they can hang out with Erica young, a little bit longer?

Unknown Speaker 36:47

Yes, so you can find me on Instagram, and facebook, @Erickayoungofficial. and my website is Erickayoung.com. Feel free to reach out to me to have me come into your workplace and do some financial wellness programming. I love working inside of Finance, Financial institutions doing professional development as well as in companies as an employee benefit. So that is what I'm up to now.

Acquania Escarne 37:13

All right, I love it. So guys, if you're interested, check her out. I'll make sure to include all of those links in the show notes. So you can like follow subscribe and stalk. I Hope this has been helpful to you guys. Until next time, keep building generational wealth.

Thank you for listening to The Purpose of Money podcast. For more resources and information, check out my website, thepurposeofmoney.com and while you're there, please sign up for our newsletter so you have the latest information on new episodes and blog posts. Until next time, keep creating freedom in your life today.

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