Episode 88: Life After Grief with Amanda Wilson

Acquania Escarne 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to the purpose of money podcast today I'm super excited. We're going to talk about how to transition from trauma and grief to triumph and glory with author, advocate and speaker Amanda Wilson.

You are listening to the purpose of money podcast, a podcast where we talk about ways to build wealth and create more freedom in your life today. I am your host Acquania Escarne.

Amanda has been employed with the Florida Department of Children and Families for over 17 years. She began her career upon graduating from Bethune Cookman University. And later she earned her master's degree in counseling and psychology from Troy University. Amanda is a registered mental health counselor intern with the state of Florida Department of Health. And she also has a passion for serving the most vulnerable populations. She's a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated, where she's also an officer in the local chapter. And she currently serves as chairman of the circuit 10 Human Trafficking Task Force.

Aside from her work in the department as a mental health counselor, and within the community, Amanda has recently ventured into the world of writing, and she is a brand new author of her own book, You Can Soar a life memoir. She's also the founder and CEO of the Be Like Ike Foundation Incorporated, which is a nonprofit for purpose inspired by the life and legacy for her late husband, Isaiah I Wilson, and she's the mom of two wonderful children, and enjoys sports and extracurricular activities with her family.

Hey, Amanda, welcome to the podcast.

Amanda Wilson 1:53

Hello, thank you for having me. Very, very excited to be here.

Acquania Escarne 1:57

Yeah, I'm excited to hear more about your story. You are the first guest that my husband has insisted I have on the show. And it was so interesting, because he listens to the show, and he never recommends guests. But as soon as he heard about your book, and obviously your husband, he thought this would be a good topic, because for those who don't know, you know, my husband is also Greek. And he's an Iota and Ike is was his frat brother. And my husband and I, you may not know this, but my husband and I have known each other almost 20 years. And so I actually have known your husband as well, because when we were dating, I had the pleasure of meeting a lot of his frat brothers and in the journey that you've gone through, you know, we've been supportive, and we've really tried to do whatever we can to help. And this was my husband's effort to get your story out there. And it was perfect timing, because it was a point where I was also looking for more personable stories to put on the podcast. And I was just like, oh, yeah, that's you don't have to convince me. That's an easy sale Amanda's awesome. So thank you. I'm story short. That's where we are. And I really want you to share a little bit more about your story with my listeners, because I know that what you've gone through over the last couple of years is definitely something that some of my listeners have gone through some even my recent guests. And I think you have a lot of value you can add there. So without further ado, let's happen to this story that begins with love. So tell me, how did you and I meet?

Amanda Wilson 3:52

Wonderful. We actually met at Troy University in graduate school, and we had our very first class together and walked in, I was late to class. And well, the The place was really far was in another county. And I was already in class and I sat next to him. And we started chatting in our very first class we had to get with partners to work on a project very early on. And so very early on since we were sitting next to each other, we recognized or discovered that we both were child protective investigators with the Department of Children and Families.

And so right away we were like we have to be partners because we knew partnering with anybody else would not be good because of how our schedules where we had crazy schedules being CPIs. You could get calls at 5pm You know and have to be out super late and this was a class that was evening and weekends. So we said, okay, let's partner we didn't know one another at work because we worked in different counties. So after the first class, we partnered really well in that class did our project together and did awesome. And we said, oh, we have to have every class together because we worked so well together. So you know, just kind of a natural thing. What's the next class you're taking? And we wanted to get through with this graduate degree as soon as possible given our careers. So we, you know, committed to taking every class in order no matter where it was being offered, so I think the next class is being offered in like, Leesburg, Florida, I had never even heard of Leesburg, Florida. And he was like, Oh, I know where it's at. It's just, you know, I know, he's Florida boy, in and out. He knows every back road and street and he's like, yeah, we can get there.

So every class there foreward I, you know, would link with him, he would just I would follow him or I'd hop in his car. And we'd go to class, wherever it was, we took classes in Leesburg, Winter Park, some other random places, wherever they were offering our next class that we needed to take. So we went through our whole whole graduate program that way. And one, you know, like a year in, it's when Spirit Airlines I know, you guys know Spirt Airlines, right? But right, I don't know if you guys remember, it was around 2006/2007 When they first launched, and they had like a penny sale for their first launch. And we were like, Oh my gosh, let's go to Jamaica. It's only a penny. So we paid about 100 bucks total. And we went to Jamaica together. And we were good graduate school friend buddies. And everyone was like, you're going to Jamaica with this guy you claim is just your friend, you know? And everyone said, you know, before we went, they were like, You guys are gonna get married if you're going to Jamaica together and this is just your friend. But that's how our relationship was. We were really, really good friends and then I think I probably was in denial for you know, until he proposed to me friends at my wedding I have, we have pictures where they're like, you know, the photographer caught them like this when they were doing their speech because they say up until, you know, I was always like, he's just like, friend and tell. I was like, Oh, we're engaged. We're getting married. That's, that's what made our relationship so beautiful. It's that we were really really, really good friends. You know?

Acquania Escarne 7:53

that's funny. So if you were serious, you were not playing like, just hanging out having a good time.

Amanda Wilson 8:00

Yeah.

Acquania Escarne 8:01

But you obviously I'm assuming you didn't date anyone else either. So it worked out for the better. But I love it. You said until he proposed. That is so funny. Yeah. So then what happened? You guys were friends. You got married. You committed to happily ever after. But what changed?

Amanda Wilson 8:26

Well, um, shortly into our marriage, we? Well, we had we had Amaya right away. We actually had Amaya right. We got engaged. We're planning our wedding. And then I got pregnant. I literally had Amaya right before our wedding. So it was like this. Oh my god, we have this whole wedding planned. And now either we push it or I just need to snap back real fast push this baby out and so that's what we did. So we started a family pretty, you know Amaya was, she was a surprise to us, but a welcome surprise and and we wanted to have our children fairly close. We so we definitely plan to have my son after she turned one. And we did and as soon as you know, we knew he was a boy. We were solid and happy that our family was complete with our boy and girl.

And when they were young, in 2014, so my son was barely three. He got his cancer diagnosis. And from there he was, you know, he started he had been sick, and they couldn't figure out what was going on with him. So he was sick for a little bit. You know, before we actually got the diagnose Since he actually had his first tumor, so to speak, in 2007, before we even got married, so that was then and since 2007, we were monitoring and he had, you know, follow ups and things at that time, his tumor was known to be benign and, and wasn't causing any issues until closer to 2014. So in 2014, he got his official diagnosis, and the initial course of treatment was a, a resection of his liver. So they went in and cut out as many tumors as they could, at that time, they could not take out all of the tumors because of where they were located in his liver.

So you know, he never really went into remission from 2014, it was kind of like a will just try and stabilize him. And, and, you know, do the best that we can from here, super, super strong man, as you know. So it was treatment after treatment after treatment from 2014 until 2021, when he gained his angel wings. So it was, you know, he never really wanted to do chemotherapy, but he was forced to at the very, very end, in from 2020, to 2021. So we did everything else that we could, you know, there was radiation, there was different injections, there was different pills, just every single thing and you know, as time goes on, there's there's constant studies and research and, and different things coming out. So, we actually, were hopeful at some new treatments coming forward. And, and, you know, so 2021, the battle concluded and, and, you know, through that time, we had great memories as a family, though we were facing his battle, we, we still, he was such a warrior, he, our kids did not know, at all what he was going to do, regardless of all the treatments, and he would get sick, and he would get better, he would be down in your coma. And that's what our kids knew, you know, they didn't know they knew daddy had something wrong with his stomach. But Amaya, interestingly, was born with lactose intolerance. So she thought she got it from daddy, and they both just suffered from the same thing. Like you would just have stomach issues. And, and so would she and so they never actually knew that he was battling cancer. Until, you know, I had with had to tell them at the very, very end. Yeah, so they so we live, like, nothing was wrong.

Acquania Escarne 13:04

a great life. Right, right. Like, memories, let's go through this. So

Amanda Wilson 13:10

travel and you know, yeah, they do just

holidays, everything

and didnt let anything stop him now. He had he had, you know, he struggled, especially when he was going through treatments. So he may miss, you know, when we would go to kid birthday parties, that would be me by myself, taking the kids, maybe things like that, but overall, he was always there. He didn't let his illness stop him for

Acquania Escarne 13:40

I love that

Amanda Wilson 13:41

wonderful father and husband.

Acquania Escarne 13:43

Right? And you as a wife, a caretaker and a mother, I'm sure you had a lot on your shoulders and you're, you're still working right? You're still working this entire time. So I'd love to know, you know, how did you juggle and balance all of this at the same time? And you know, what are some of the tips that you might want to provide someone in a similar situation?

Amanda Wilson 14:10

So one of my big big things is taking care of yourself. You have to take the time out for yourself. And that can that can really get put on the backburner when you're giving when you're a caretaker when you're a mom and and my job is you know, serving others so I'm really really big on making sure that if I don't have it in me, I really can't give it to others, you know, and so I exercise, I am really big on feeding my Mind, Body, Soul, spirit, you know everything my emotions on a regular basis and it does get away from me.

I do neglect myself at times and I have paid for it, you know, my health has paid for it. And so I think it's so, so, so important that you do the things to take care of yourself, what matters most you take the time out, it's not hard, and it doesn't take long, you know, it really, really does. And I know we often get into the rut of you don't have time, and it doesn't take time to feed your soul, it doesn't take time to really move your body and take the time out in. And I'm a firm believer that you pay for it now or you pay for it later, you know.

So that's huge for me taking care of myself eating things that are good for my body, doing things that are good for me and not putting a bunch of junk in and, and, and you know, things drugs, alcohol, all of those things. I'm even, like a stickler on having to take prescription meds. And then I truly could not do without my support system. I have a big support system, with my husband's family, with my family, within my sorority, with my good girlfriend's, so tap into your village, tap into your support system. Everybody has somebody and I know sometimes it does feel like you're alone in the journey. Sometimes people you don't know anyone else who's gone through what you've gone through. But they still love and care for you. And they're there is somebody or something. And if they're if you don't know of a physical body, I mean, I'm a very faithful person. So I tap into my, you know, God that I know, doesn't leave my side, even when it feels like there's no one on my left or my right, you know?

Acquania Escarne 15:34

Absolutely.

Amanda Wilson 15:34

I definitely tap into my faith. So if that's you, then then I highly recommend that because that will never never leave you. You know, I'm a firm believer, you have everything within you that that you need. And he has given us that so and I mean your your support system, taking care of yourself, taking time out to care for yourself. And leaning on your faith, I think those are my major things.

Acquania Escarne 17:23

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I think those are great. And they're really important. And I I really liked what you said. So like for me, I take time to get massages, I take time to read and just to be alone sometimes because a house with kids can get noisy, you know a lot of people wanting your attention at the same time. So I love that you're kind of sharing that truth, that honest thing. And I definitely appreciate that, you know, you remind us that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to have support. And it's important because I don't think God intends for us to go through any major milestones alone. Right. And after your husband passed, I'm sure that was something you had to process not only for yourself, but also with your kids, you know, and helping them get through this transition, you know daddy's here now daddy's not is that part of what inspired you to create your foundation Be Like Ike Foundation or just tell me a little bit more about that? You know, what inspired you to create it and how is that helping you through your grief process?

Amanda Wilson 19:34

Yeah, I think that's exactly what inspired it. There's a few things right. I definitely feel like it has helped the kids and I through this journey. Hardest thing ever to walk through grief period as an individual right? The grief journey is so so hard and everyone's journey is very unique to them. And to, to do it with children and to try to, you know, help your children through. Oh, my goodness. So that's definitely part of the reason for the foundation. In speaking with the kids through all of this, I tried very, very hard to include them in every step of the way, with the plans for Daddy, what we're going to do from you know, we had his car in the park, in the, you know, in the driveway for a lot of months, because it's like, well, what are we going to do with the car? And I tried to incorporate them again, every step of the way. What do you want to do with daddy's clothes, you know, and so we tried to do things to help others with everything, we donated, his nice, you know, nice shirts and ties and things to the mentor program that he used to be over at his high school. And the car we donated to a family that needed it. And so after donating his clothes, actually, I dropped them off at the school. And I was like, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to continue to help others through his legacy.

You know, it just felt good to know that. His things though he's no longer here, they're blessing someone else. So talking to the kids, I was like, hey, what do you guys think of being able to continue to do these things, there was one other thing, the Orlando Sports Foundation, they actually gave a $500 scholarship to a teacher at his old high school at one of the all star game last year. And all of those things, I'm like, there's no reason we can't continue to do this as a family. So I talked to the kids. And they were like, you know, yeah, that would be great. Not really understanding. And me too, not really knowing what we were fully getting ourselves into. But they're, you know, and they're, they were so bought in so we're like, let's do this. And we started on the journey.

It was within the first year, it was actually just a few months after that, we were talking about it and started doing what we needed to do. And it really, really helped us to focus on on his legacy. And, you know, it helped us to, I feel like it's helped us to realize that he doesn't have to be gone, he's always here with us. It's just will be a lasting legacy. When we talked about it, we talked about them taking it over, they're not allowed technically, because they're not 18 yet to be board members, but they've been here from day one. And my my daughter actually took the minutes for our first meeting and typed them all up, you know. So it's definitely something that I see them carrying on and then their children, and then it just growing and it being his lasting legacy, you know, so that's definitely something that has helped us through this last year. And some change for sure.

Acquania Escarne 23:15

I love that. That's so beautiful. So often as entrepreneurs, I talk to other entrepreneur moms about hiring our kids in our business and making them a part of the decision making process. But having them take the minutes and having them decide what happens to his things, just gives them ownership and excitement about being involved in the process. And I think you taught your children invaluable lessons about the impact that they can make, right? Because even if they can't officially be board members, they're seeing the impact that what the foundation is doing and who it's helping and how it's changing lives. And that's forever, you know, those memories, that spirit is going to probably inspire them to change the world. Like you don't know what they're gonna do just yet, but you already know, they've been given a vision of what's possible, and something that they can proudly continue. So I think that's beautiful. So kudos to you as a mom on finding ways for them to participate and not leaving them out of the process.

Amanda Wilson 24:25

That's definitely the hope.

Acquania Escarne 24:29

So I want to talk about your new venture as an author and your decision to write the book You Can Soar your life's memoir. What is it that made you feel it was time to tell your story? And what was the writing process? Like I'm always curious to know, did you struggle? Did you schedule hours? Did you knock it out in a weekend like what was it like writing a book?

Amanda Wilson 24:53

No. So this was years years yours I literally have been writing for years since Ike was alive. He was sitting next to me and I'm writing, you know. So it's the process was a long time coming. And I think that and for years, I tried to you know, as the new year rolls around, I'm like, Okay, I did try that. Alright, I'm gonna write on Monday, Wednesday, Friday evenings, from six to seven, like, definitely tried that. Tried, probably every which avenue you could think of, and I think just in the last year after losing, Ike, it helped, again, help my healing and process. And I was just writing my thoughts and my feelings, you know, and just going through that I was like, Okay, it's definitely time to just get it done. Because the more and more writing helps me. And when I'm thinking through things, I have to write them out. And as I was going, I'm like, I'm gonna keep writing and writing, and I'll never get it done.

So I really, really just have to give myself a deadline, and say, Whatever it looks like, this is what it is, I have to put it out there. Because I just wanted to I just felt like, it's it's definitely time, you know. So and then I started to transition, like, you know, it went from like, memoir to, now there's a different piece, there's this grieving widow mom, and, you know, the grief process. And I was like, it's transitioning to something totally different. And I don't want to lose, you know, just, you know, the life memoir piece. And at that point, I was like, Well, I can always do another one, if I need to, I just need to wrap this one. And go, I never thought I would, would, you know, write more than one book. But then as I realized, you know, writing helps me I'm like, maybe there is more in me, who knows, but yeah, I, I, I realized, it's helping me and I need to just move forward, and I want to be able to help others. And so it's not supposed to just stay with me, I need to get it out. And so it was just the push. And I really think, you know, this, you know, I'm a firm believer, I did still with Austin and his strength, you know, gave me the strength to go ahead and push through and finally do it, he knew I always wanted to, and I would have sat around and just not done it forever and forevermore. So I'm really grateful for that.

Acquania Escarne 27:39

I love it. And I'm glad that you finally have shared a part of your story. And I encourage you to keep writing because it's a great read and a great opportunity for others to be inspired and to just learn how to navigate with the best strength possible their situations. So this has been great, I just appreciate you sharing your tips and your story. I know it's could be hard, you're still grieving. I know grief is a process that will come in with ebbs and flows. And we can never predict when something is going to bring back a strong memory. So I really appreciate you just taking the time to share your story today and to let us have a glimpse of what life was like when I was here, and also how you are continuing his legacy now that he's gone. As a fellow listener of the podcast, you know, what's next? I have a favorite question. I asked all my guests, the name of the podcast is called The Purpose of Money. So I want to know, what's your purpose for money.

Amanda Wilson 28:45

My purpose for money is legacy. For sure, it is generational wealth, it is ensuring that my kids don't have to, you know, go through the same struggle that I did, as a child as a young adult. Now as an adult paying off student debt, like there's student loan debt, I just really want my children to have a different life, my grandchildren and even my great grandchildren, you know, like, there's no reason that that they should not walk in different footsteps and they are and I'm very grateful for my husband and and, you know, for him setting the foundation for us. And yeah, they it will be different, it is already different for them.

Acquania Escarne 29:41

That's good.

Amanda Wilson 29:42

We're grateful for that. And I do want to, you know, just say like, because I did lose my husband, the importance of life insurance, and I know that you, you, you know, I know that's your realm too. And, and it's early as you know, Oh, when you're young and healthy, I know you've talked about that, too. It's so so so important. You know, fortunately, I did have life insurance, and he was responsible with insurance in retirement. And so he left us in a position not, you know, in a hard position. Fortunately, I've been able to invest those things for my kids future. So that is what it's for, you know, like, and I just think, as soon as you can handle those things, because you really, really never know, Ike was super young. He was, you know, in his 20s, when he had the first tumor in in his early 30s, when he got diagnosed. And fortunately, he was covered before that, and through. And so I just want to reiterate the importance of that too, for sure.

Acquania Escarne 30:50

I will second that, yes, I sell life insurance. And one of the reasons I got into this industry is because I got tired of GoFundMe accounts for funerals. But I also recognize the power in life insurance and getting covered at a young age. Because when my husband and I, the year we were engaged, we got our life insurance, we knew that we committed to spend the rest of our lives together, and we have faith, that's how it was going to be. So we met with a financial advisor and a life insurance producer, the year before we got married to get our affairs in order, and I agree with you, nothing in life is guaranteed, no one knows when their health will change to a position where they may not be insurable. And so I definitely agree with you get covered, take care of your family, and get coverage outside of work as soon as possible as well. Because the way that millennials change jobs these days, you cannot depend on your employer to provide for your family. And you don't want to be in a position where you die suddenly, and they are not okay. So I appreciate you even sharing that because not everyone will be willing to share that they were able to financially survive because of the action that their spouse took while they were alive. So kudos to Ike.

Amanda Wilson 32:13

Letting my kids know, you know that some people, some people have to leave their homes, you know, we're fortunate we're able to stay in our home and their, their life has not been I mean, the worst thing has happened to us they lost their dad, but additional disruption on top of it has been very minimal, you know, they didn't have to leave their home, they, you know, we didn't have to lose our car and things like that, you know, so I think that's, that's very, very, very important and teaching them and showing them the the financial responsibility. And what that looks like is very important.

Acquania Escarne 32:50

Amen to that. Yes. So I don't want to leave before you tell my listeners, how can they find you? How can they contact you? How they I support you? So drop all your social media, social media handles or websites so that folks can look you up?

Amanda Wilson 33:09

Yep, I am at AmandaIanwilson.com in Lake Mary, and my social media, Facebook, Amanda Wilson, Instagram, AIWilson 08, and Twitter AIWilson 08.

Acquania Escarne 33:27

You got it. And I'll make sure to drop all of that in the show notes.

Amanda Wilson 33:30

And the book is on Amazon.

Acquania Escarne 33:33

Yes. We're gonna have a link to your book and your social media platforms in the show notes. So guys, check out the full show notes. But also make sure to follow, like, comments and buy You Can Soar by Amanda M. Wilson, a great read and a great opportunity for you guys to see a little bit into her world and be inspired. Amanda, I want to thank you again for being on the purpose of money podcast. This has been a blast.

Amanda Wilson 34:02

I'm so grateful. Thank you so much for having me.

Acquania Escarne 34:05

Absolutely. Until next time, guys, keep building generational wealth.

Thank you for listening to the purpose of money podcast. For more resources and information, check out my website, the purposeofmoney.com and while you're there, please sign up for our newsletter so you have the latest information on new episodes and blog posts. Until next time, keep creating freedom in your life today.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai